5% Max!Kayos Gaiden


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Stan

08/16/2017

Gonna finish this chapter up this week so i can move on to other things.

  • 08/17/2017 at 3:26pm

    Well gotta get cracking on working on chapter 8 since you guys are rooting for it. Looking forward to see what you guys think.

  • Anon555

    08/17/2017 at 1:49pm

    Hi Stan.

    Your artistic ability is off the fucking hook. Every page looks great. And most of all, you’ve clearly got a spark of imagination which is something many would consider to be a God-given gift. You’ve let it drive you to create and you’ve taken your place as a creative. Let it keep driving you.

    You’re unhappy that Kayos Gaiden never took off, attracted legions of fans; or perhaps all you wanted was a few devoted ones who could share your vision. Either way, the most important thing is not to misplace your power. Art, and the world(s) within you, are to be created, forged, tempered and polished for the sake of art. Art for the sake of fame, popularity, notoriety, status, wealth or community clout is a trap destined to lead you to dissatisfaction.

    Kayos Gaiden was – is – will be? – a story about three people enrolled in a school for harnessing spiritual energy in the name of martial arts, and the conflicts between them. This premise is almost bread and butter in the world of anime; it’s uninteresting. But even a flat, boring premise can spring to life with the right ingredients. And what those ingredients are, are your characters.

    The brooding lone wolf, his goofy but dependable friend, the all-star woman with the heaving bosom. To be completely honest with you, I don’t even remember the names of the first two. They just don’t stand out. I only remember Rose because it’s unusual. This is rather telling: they just aren’t interesting. What makes characters interesting, that I feel was lacking here, is DRAMATIC NEED, that we’ve been told and conveyed.

    Take any character, especially if they’re from a book, and think “Why do they do what they do”? You’ll find that every origin story not only tells why a character has come to be, but also tells us why they continue. Harry Potter is shown to live in an absolute shithole with his adoptive family; that, and the dark forces at work against him, forms his need. Luke Skywalker must renew the legacy of the Jedi to fight the Empire that undid his world.

    It’s a bit harder to see in Shounen-type anime because it’s loaded with generic “protect my friends” bollocks, but go a bit further. Consider Vegeta. He needs to be the strongest; that’s boring. But what makes it far more satisfying is his need is driven by his race and heritage. He’s the PRINCE of the saiyans. He MUST, but he CAN’T, and that’s why it’s so wrenching to watch him break down in tears and punch the ground over it. Krillin tries to defend the world, but is just baggage. He’s more interesting to watch than Goku, who inevitably takes center stage. We watch him fail to destroy Android 16, and it rips us up inside. Goku dies for the 12th time and nobody cares. Think about Trunks, who watched a world die; WE watched his world die. We watched him, watching his mentor get his arms ripped off and then mortally wounded. He comes to the past, only to find his father is an enormous prick who taunts him every step of the way. Trunks has depth; we end up caring for his quest. Goku beats the big bad guy, nobody’s exactly punching the air with happiness.

    Gon from Hunter x Hunter is an absolutely brilliant example; not only do we see him get absolutely wrecked by a colossal foe, Hisoka, but we also see WHAT HAPPENS AFTERWARDS. He crawls under a tree and seethes, powerless, for what is acknowledged to be hours. Even after that, we then have the deep and meaningful relationship between him and Killua, who gives Gon context for his growth. And every scrap, every inch of strength he gets brings him closer to his father; not only physically, but emotionally. This is how the entire anime starts. Gon’s heading off to become a Hunter, not to “become the strongest”, but to *understand his father*.

    I remember the goofy character peeing into a stream and having a bizarre monologue about possibly meeting his father then. But it came too late, and was so by-the-way-I-have-a-story-too that it just felt contrived.

    The rest of the story has a lack of interesting hooks, and nothing makes this more obvious than the last-page “WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?” text. Every time I read it, I just knew nothing was going to come of it; I was never interested in the questions. “WHO IS THIS MAN? WHAT’S HAPPENING TO THIS GUY’S HAND? WHY IS THIS GUY HERE?”

    What you need is to MAKE A STORY WHERE I AM ASKING THESE QUESTIONS ALREADY, BECAUSE I AM INTERESTED IN THESE PEOPLE.

    There are more problems; your dialogue, for instance, seems to consist of 50-75% explanations of how the world works. It feels truly weird when they’re just endlessly explaining things in blocks of paragraphs. Even on this page. But there’s a real flash of something here: this very page, I’m watching Rose *breaking down* from test after test after test. But there’s something intimate here; this is a real father-daughter conversation too. Her face in the first panel is the motherfucking bullseye of expressions for this scene. This! It’s interesting! I like this! And the fact that her father’s only been using 5% of his power. Holy shit! This is good! But not because I love this colossal guy who could probably suplex the fucking moon if he wanted to; it’s because of poor Rose, and her AWESOME reaction to this. That total, utter, stunned disbelief tells me how hard this has hit home for her.

    I don’t care about HIM. I care about HER. Her emotional need is showing and it’s attracting me. You don’t need to resort to shitty shower scenes. I don’t care about the amazing strength. I need THIS.

    Every story is characters in a setting under duress. From literary fiction to shounen anime. From Jane Austen to Rurouni Kenshin. Star Wars to Star Trek. From MLP to Fist of the North Star. Conflict is the heart of it all; but NOT conflict in a sense of combat, of martial artistry, of who’s the strongest. Emotional conflict. Conflict between characters, characters striving for something, something we understand; an emotional need that we understand and empathise with.

    You have the spark. You have the motherfucking spark, Stan. Your story is rough and ugly from some angles, but you turn it over and something catches your eye, this shine that speaks of craftsmanship. It’s so easy in our world, in the information age, to look at all of the incredible work around us, the unbelievable illustrations, the masterpieces of storytelling, without realising how rough and hideous the earlier versions were. Michaelangelo’s David was once a block of marble so weathered and coarse nobody wanted the commission to take it.

    There’s a very, VERY good reason most writers and artists don’t let their earlier work be seen by the public, even the unrelated stuff. It’s because it’s absolute horseshit. Worse than anything you or I could have ever come up with. But they had the spark, Stan, and they let it drive them – or perhaps they were simply driven against their own will.

    This is what you need to do. You need two books.
    – Writing Characters Who’ll Keep Readers Captivated: Nail Your Novel: Volume 2
    – Writing Plots with Drama, Depth and Heart: Nail Your Novel: Volume 3

    You need to read these two books, and you need to keep some way of taking notes. You need to read these things and let your imagination run wild. Every thought you get, note it down. Every time something feels cool, write it down; every time something resonates, write it down, verbatim if needs be.

    Then, find something similar, but specifically for writing and creating comics and graphic novels. I can’t help you there…

    Finally, above all, never, ever, ever for the rest of your godforsaken life disconnect from what made you start Kayos Gaiden in the first place, because it gives you a special kind of human divinity. Never lose what drove you. There was joy in this work, it’s clear, and you owe it to yourself, your loved ones and your internal worlds to keep it safe and sacred.

    • 08/17/2017 at 3:18pm

      You are correct sir… and to be honest I had discovered better writing as I went along and getting emotion for characters… in all honesty the comic is a slow start up but with every chapter I drew inspiration to get better as my art got better. This was truly a work in progress one that is very near and dear to me. The feed. Ackni needed was exactly this. How do I get better if I don’t hear these things? I want to get better be it trial and error or research. Anon555 you just lit my spark to get better. The Rose thing started because I wanted a stronger female character to begin with but everyone has a story and I wanted it to be more about 3 people than focusing solely on one. Rose will stand out more cause I had time to articulate her in the last 2 chapters. Everything you question has answers and sorry it’s taking so long to get to the meat of the story. Just as you are enjoying Rose at this point I promise the others that are coming will be even better.

      • Anon555

        08/19/2017 at 5:02am

        Good show, sir. I don’t need to worry about you, you’ll be just fine.

  • Spanglar

    08/17/2017 at 9:16am

    I also made an account just to post this. You’ve got waaaaaaay more going for you then most…Hell…All of the comics on this site. Your overall style is fan-fuckin-tasticly awesome. Environments are consistent and interesting, your character designs are also unique without being TOO over the top. The fights conceptually are a blast, and while the execution leaves a little to be desired they still flow well from panel to panel and leave me hungry to see more.

    The only thing that’s really holding this back is the writing. I understand that anime likely has a heavy influence on the design but the writing does read like anime subtitles. The dialogue can have a ton of heart [ like this Dad/daughter conversation ] but there is a LOT of wording and unnecessary exposition that weakens the moment. Without all of explanation running in the dialogue you open up avenues for mystery which helps to hook in readers. Just for an example you could shave the dialogue down and leave out the percentages. Instead of having Pops explain in detail just how much he’s holding back, you could have a quiet moment in where she asks just how much he’s holding back. Set in a pause, and then have a panel where he begins to apply more pressure. Throw in a shock reaction that lets her know ” Holy shit, I’m just getting a drop from the well. ” And there you go, we explain he’s only giving her a fraction of his strength without exposition undercutting the emotional drive in the scene.

    By no means am I bashing you here. This comic is by far and large the most fun and the last genuinely interesting comic left on the site. With some touch ups on the writing I could easily see you running on your own with a Patreon backing you up. No matter what you do, KEEP MAKING THESE COMICS! They are consistently getting better and without then I’d ditch Snafu all together.

    • 08/17/2017 at 1:05pm

      See these are the things that motivate me to do better. Feedback is important and without it I am shooting in the dark. This helps a lot thank you also it gives motivation to continue.

      • Spanglar

        08/17/2017 at 2:22pm

        Anytime at all. Writing is a bitch and a half by itself and I can only imagine how it would be compounded by having do the art on top of it. If you ever want some rough drafts or feedback on dialogue feel free to give me a shout. I’m by no means professional [ College student ] but I have a ton of free time to crank stuff out that might help grease the creative wheels.

        • 08/17/2017 at 3:20pm

          Yes, thank you and I appreciate the help. You can give me an email as future chapters I would enjoy and welcome the help.

  • FirmestStar726

    08/16/2017 at 8:33pm

    Ever since I stumbled on this site, I was and still am fascinated with how much detail you put in these comics. There isn’t enough original comics with that much talent in the world we live in. Whatever choice you make, I’ll root for ya! You’re style is awesome Stan.

    • 08/17/2017 at 1:06pm

      Thanks but feedback does plenty to help keep someone motivated. I would stop if it wer not for people like you. It helps drive what I do cause of course it’s free.

  • 08/16/2017 at 5:38pm

    Fans? Lol… I would like to know that they had existed. Maybe if they said something. Well either way… I can either quit drawing comics or work on something else. This place depresses me. One can work so hard on original content and be over looked by fanmade work. But thems the breaks… not hating on bleed but I guess sex and ecchi would also be noticed. But I am not going that route.

    • Grandiose

      08/17/2017 at 1:51am

      Made an account just to say this. I would fight the world if you stopped making comics.

      • 08/17/2017 at 1:08pm

        Thanks but it helps actually knowing people are reading and are actually out there. So drop a line sometime. I actually do respond and hold an interest in my readers.

  • bendoublebeta123

    08/16/2017 at 2:01pm

    Hey stan love the page and im really sorry you feel like your comic is going unnoticed and also feel like leaving.Just want to say i really love your work and see its potential, I understand if you want to leave and i think its a good thing for an artist to know when to move on, just make sure to tell your fans where your moving too bro 🙂

    • 08/17/2017 at 1:08pm

      The fans? Comment was a reply to your post. Thanks so much.

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